His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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