He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
