Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
