I look better un-naked...
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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