I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
