I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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