You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
