I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Randomize
