I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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