alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
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I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
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How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
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