All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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