fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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