So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
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