You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
We smell like vodka and hangover
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
