A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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