i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize