a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
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You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
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I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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