In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
We just shotgunned beers for America
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
