So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
