So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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