i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
