is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
