you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
