I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...