We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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