God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
