I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
