If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
