East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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