Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
