My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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