Her vagina should come with caution tape.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
