And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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