You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
