I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
