I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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