I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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