the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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