Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
