"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
