I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
