Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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