so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Randomize