CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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