my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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