she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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