He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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