I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
