Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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