My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
