He disabled his match.com account in front of me
we made out on top of his cat.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
