I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
