im about as happy as oj after his trial
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
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