had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
