I feel like abortions should bother me more
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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