Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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