Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Is it penis luge time yet?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
