She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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