The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
