i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
