Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
