Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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