ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
